Will you read my essay and tell me how to improve?

Question by Tisha J: Will you read my essay and tell me how to improve?
Title:Pet Transportation Device, Not Pet Day Care
Do you enjoy being locked in a tiny space against your will for numerous hours? For most of us, the answer to that question would be no. Animals do not find enjoyment in it either. Some pet owners see it as being acceptable for them to lock their pet inside a pet carrier while they leave for their daily activities. They claim to do this as a way to prevent damage to their furniture and to stop their pet from using the bathroom all over the house. There are better ways of controlling these issues. As I see it, keeping a pet in a pet carrier all day is a form of animal abuse.
One reason why I consider keeping an animal in a pet carrier all day as abuse is because this device is not designed for this purpose. The purpose of the pet carrier is in the name. The pet carrier is a compact cage designed for travel. This product was designed to not be much larger than the animal’s body so that it would keep the animal contained while being transported in a vehicle. It is not a good place to keep a pet for long periods of time because it is small, dark on the inside, and uncomfortable. When using a product in a way not labeled in the directions it can become a problem.
Another reason that I find locking a pet inside a pet carrier as abuse is that it is extremely unsanitary. Animals are just like humans in the fact that they must use the bathroom numerous times daily. If they are confined in the tiny pet carrier they must use the bathroom in close proximity to where they must remain all day. Not only is the animal’s waste close to their body, but it is also close to their food and water. It is inhumane to have an animal eat and drink right beside their urine and feces. Being forced to lie in feces all day and have it in your source of food is abuse in my book.
A final reason keeping a pet in a pet carrier all day is abuse is because it is not healthy for the animal. Animals should be able to run around and play when they desire to. They should not be held in a tiny space where they can barely stand up. The lack of movement causes these poor animals to develop arthritis in their joints. Arthritis is a serious condition, and is very painful for animals. I have seen this sad case happen with my own two eyes. One of my close friends has kept her dog, Lucy, in a pet carrier for years during the day while her family is gone to school and to work. Over time they started noticing the joints in her front legs were swelling. When they took her to the veterinarian she was diagnosed with arthritis. They finally stopped leaving her in the pet carrier, but by then it was too late. Lucy has trouble walking, running, and especially jumping. Anything that is a direct cause to an animal’s health problem is a form of abuse.
In conclusion, I would like to say that there are better ways of keeping pets from destroying the house while their owners are away. Pets can be trained not to tear up things, or they can stay in a large fenced in back yard. To prevent bathroom messes all over the house the owner could consider installing a doggy door. Anything is better than leaving them enclosed in an unsanitary, unhealthy environment. The pet carrier is a transportation device, and is not designed to be a pet day care. When it is used to contain an animal all day, in my opinion, that is animal abuse.

Best answer:

Answer by elizabeth e
I get your idea. It looks pretty good, but I would add a final sentence to your beginning paragraph that states the three issues you talk about in your 3 supporting paragraphs. instead of the last sentence of the first paragraph I would state something like, “There are better ways of controlling these issues such as they are not designed for this use, it is unsanitary, and they are not healthy for the animal.” That is the proper way to write an essay, but you seem to have the correct idea. Hope you get a good grade!

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